Archive for the ‘podcasts’ Category

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  Bad news has never been in short supply but, since the turn of this century,  we seem to be experiencing a near record surplus of doom and despair. All over the world, protestors have taken to the streets, while governments crack down on civil liberties, and alliances are put to the test. We live in a world divided by ideology, by religion and economics, and every day brings us closer to the boiling point. Now, in these past two weeks, news has leaked of something so shocking, so heinous, and so contrary to the common good that we can no longer sit back and bite our tongues….

 I’m talking, of course, about Ben Affleck’s casting as the new Batman!
   In the latest episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, hosts Rob and Chris cry foul over this shocking development, while dodging alligators and struggling to understand why Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound but can, apparently, no longer carry his own movie!
   Oh, and on a lighter note, they also attempt to discuss something called Syria
Catch all past episodes of Two Guys Watching Porn on ITunes and on Spreaker at: http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522
And listen to the latest episode titled Batman Blunders and We’re ALL DOOMED! here:
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   For years, the name Peckerhead has been spoken only in hushed tones by that handful of people who had actually laid eyes upon the creature and lived to tell the tale, a tale of a monstrous abomination, one half man, one half chicken, whose presence in the undeveloped backwoods of South Florida has long been the subject of campfire tales and fearful speculation. Most of these eyewitnesses have met with fierce opposition from their communities, been labeled kooks and, in some instances, downright liars. Many, faced with the almost certainty of public ridicule, have chosen to keep their silence. But we here at Murdered by ROBOTS are dedicated to uncovering the truth about this legendary boogeyman and, tonight, offer brand new and incontrovertible evidence – hard video proof – that Peckerhead is REAL!

The following is the second of only two known recordings ever made of the beast, captured on video earlier this month by local researchers as they were ambushed. Had it not been for the swift and heroic intervention of Internet star and fetish model Mandy Taylor, who appeared as if from out of nowhere to unleash her trademark brand of testicular demolition upon that feathery spawn of Satan, several scientist would have died. Instead, we are left with this chilling documentation:

Our heartfelt thanks goes out to the brave men and women who put their safety on the line in the name of science, and to the super sexy Mandy Taylor, who demonstrated total calm in the face of danger, and for her crotch-kicking ferocity.

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   In other Murdered by ROBOTS news, Two Guys Watching Porn delivers yet another new episode of mentally challenged verbal masturbation titled “Miley Cyrus and Rainbow Parties” in which hosts Rob and Chris discuss MTV’s recent Video Music Awards, wrestle with basic geometry, try to reclaim intellectual property and lament missing out on teenage sex parties… all building up to an exciting (or not) cliffhanger of an ending!
Follow Mandy Taylor on Twitter at @PrincessMandyT
Follow Murdered by ROBOTS on Soundcloud and download all of our music for free at https://soundcloud.com/screaming-mime-theater
Listen to or download all of our past shows on ITunes! and on Spreaker at http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522
And check out the latest episode here:

“The pen is mightier than the sword”

-Edward Bulwer-Lytton

(from his play, Richelieu)
   Words and, more importantly, the ideas they convey have the power to spark revolutions. A persuasive argument can sway public opinion, topple governments and change the world just as surely as a well placed bullet. And so, as with any great power, the dissemination of information should be handled with a reasonable degree of responsibility. This is, perhaps ironically, the message behind this week’s Two Guys Watching Porn titled “The Penis, Mightier than the Sword“.
   In the 1980’s, I was a great fan of the tabloid periodical The Weekly World News, that once infamous supermarket check-out line staple that sent wandering eyes rolling with headlines proclaiming Redneck Aliens Take Over Trailer Park, Prehistoric Bigfoot Lives!, and Pyramid Discovered on the Moon, and offering continuous updates on the mysterious Bat Boy, whose numerous captures and subsequent escapes proved so popular that an entire book of his exploits was eventually published. Of course no one,  not even the most meth addicted sister-humping hillbilly in West Virginia, actually BELIEVED any of those headlines, nor accepted anything printed within it’s pages as anything other than pure bullshit. It was fake news for the sake of silliness, delivered without pretense and with a knowing wink. In other words, harmless low-brow entertainment.
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   Enter 2013, and a world where so-called “Breaking News” is broadcast 24 hours a day, to an over-saturated market where ratings determine the day’s headlines and impartial reporting takes a backseat to sensationalism… CNN, MSNBC, FOX NEWS, and endless online outlets for information are in constant competition for the next big story, circling like sharks for every last scrap of reportable chum. In this digital age of cut-throat news for profit, it is more important to beat your competition to the punch than it is to make sure that what you report is, in fact, true. And so the yellowing of journalism continues unabated.
   Case in point – Oakland, CA news station KTVU‘s embarrassingly irresponsible coverage of the recent crash of Asiana Flight 214 at San Francisco International Airport on July 6, 2013. In an attempt to offer a news “exclusive”, KTVU exercised hilariously poor judgement when it chose to report the identities of the Asiana Airline’s pilots before properly checking their sources or subjecting the material to even the simplest scrutiny, as evidenced in their now notorious reporting of several glaringly erroneous and, potentially, offensive names: Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Bang Ding Ow and Ho Lee Fuk. Captain Janks himself couldn’t have hoped for better.
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   Now, Two Guys Watching Porn hosts Rob and Chris are no strangers to bending the truth a little, especially when it makes for a better story, nor do they deny telling the occasional bold face lie for simple shits and giggles, but they never claimed to be following in the footsteps of Edgar R. Murrow. Their podcast delivers their ill informed and somewhat baffling takes on the day’s important issues in the same idiotic spirit as those laughable tabloids of decades past, with tongues planted firmly in (butt)cheek and fingers crossed behind their backs. Blissful in their ignorance, they’re Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb-ass, paying considerably more attention to claims of Elvis sightings than to civil unrest in Egypt, or chemical weapons in Syria. Sadly, many of the so-called legitimate news outlets of today seem just as prone to distraction.
    Catch up on all our previous episodes of Two Guys Watching Porn on iTunes and at Spreaker.com at:
and listen to “The Penis, Mightier then the Sword here:

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Just as Nero played the fiddle while Rome burned, Two Guys Watching Porn hosts Rob and Chris seek to distract themselves from the frightening reality of Big Brother in this week’s half-baked episode, “Thought Crime and Medical Marijuana”. As news of the NSA’s seemingly unlimited surveillance of every aspect of our daily lives redefines our once clear concept of privacy, these two half wits amuse themselves with talk of one night stands and legalizing the sticky-icky. Each day delivers new and more troubling revelations of unprecedented government spying…  Including claims that all of our emails, texts, and phone records are being systematically monitored and logged in the name of national security, with total disregard for our once constitutionally protected right against unlawful search and seizure, all while Dumb and Dumberer dream of Tijuana sex shows. America, as we once imagined it, may very well be DOOMED!!!

Click here to listen:

And listen to all of our audio shenanigans on ITunes and Spreaker.com:

http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522

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Rising from our ashes like a smut spewing Phoenix, “Two Guys Watching Porn” returns to the cyber-airwaves with our first monkey-spanking new episode since expanding our podcasting empire to ITunes! Refreshed from a 49 day vacation, hapless hosts Chris and Rob kick off Season Three with “Princess Mandy and the Word We Can’t Say”. Listen as we insert foot firmly in mouth and share behind-the-scenes anecdotes from our latest photo-shoot with the insanely hot Mandy Taylor, @PrincessMandyT on Twitter and the inspiration behind Murdered by ROBOT’s song “Mandy, the Queen of Testicle Torture”. A splendid time is guaranteed for all and, of course, Henry the Horse dances the Waltz….

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listen to all our podcasts on ITunes and on Spreaker.com at: http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522

and listen to our latest episode of Two Guys Watching Porn titled Princess Mandy and the Word We Can’t Say here:

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scha·den·freu·de: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others. Shameful joy.

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Perhaps it’s insecurity… Or deep seeded malice… Or, perhaps, I just curiously lack what some people define as a human “soul”. Whatever the reason, I love a train wreck! Not actual wrecks involving locomotives (though, I suppose, those are pretty cool too) but train wrecks in the sense of disgraced celebrities, those fallen stars unceremoniously knocked from their high and mighty perch who crash and burn in a blaze of drug and booze filled glory for the collective joy of bottom-feeders like me who live vicariously through their disgrace. Mel Gibson was awesome, but never so much so as the day he drunkenly called his arresting officer “sugar-tits” and railed against the Jews, or demanded his ex blow him while screaming into a cell phone (and while being recorded for the world to enjoy one psychotic tirade at a time!). And who can forget a frail and dazed Michael Jackson, being carried into a courtroom to answer allegations of child molestation, suddenly breaking into impromptu dance on the top of his limousine while dressed like some type of gay Cap’n Crunch? Celebrities, our modern-day gods of Mount Olympus, stumbling from their pedestal high atop the clouds only to be found masturbating in movie theaters or dipping their chocolate in the wrong person’s jar of peanut butter… These are the moments many of us live for! And nothing feeds my Schadenfreude disease more than the celebrity women who wind up in the gutter, whether it’s a 200 lb Anna Nicole crashing a 13 year old’s bar mitzvah and dirty dancing with the birthday boy, or a postpartum Britney Spears waving un-opened umbrellas at the paparazzi and revealing to the world that she’s just as bald “down there” as she is on her freshly shaved noggin…

These days, the reigning queen of celebrity downward spirals has to be Lindsay Lohan, and it’s she (once famously dubbed “Fire-Crotch” by former friend and fellow train wreck Paris Hilton) who lends her name to this week’s episode of Two Guys Watching Porn. In this episode, first broadcast on 03/04/13, my co-host Rob and I examine our fascination with the out of control Ms. Lohan, while discussing the endless list of other celebrity women we would happily make sweet love to if the Universe was suddenly turned inside out and upside down and such things actually became possible. Along the way we play a half ass version of “Truth or Dare”, and debut a special new rendition of the Two Guys Watching Porn theme song (available for free download on Soundcloud at: https://soundcloud.com/screaming-mime-theater/two-guys-watching-porn-1). Discussed in this episode is the film “Inferno”, a Linda Lovelace bio-pic that was originally slated to star Lindsay Lohan (and which the above photos were intended to advertise) that is currently, tentatively, in production (with Ms. Lohan replaced by Malin Akerman). Info on this production can be veiwed here: http://youtu.be/dioa1BguGN0.

To listen to the episode titled “Lindsay Lohan’s Fire-Crotch”, click here:

http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/lindsay_lohan_s_fire_crotch

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I would also like to take this opportunity to thank any and all of our listeners on Spreaker for taking the time to check out our show. We just recently reached 1,500 plays (not much in the grand scheme of things, but a tremendous thrill for me personally!). Like two morons eating worms while waiting for the short bus, we welcome any attention we can get!

-Chris

In this 02/26/13 addition of Two Guys Watching Porn, show hosts Rob and Chris lampoon adult-star and popular Howard Stern show guest Lupe Fuentes, aka “Little Lupe” (and re-christened here, in a hailstorm of salsa, jizz and shame no doubt, as “Lulu Angel”) as she attempts to cross over from jail-bait themed porno into the even sadder world of vapid dance music as the lead singer of “The Ex Girlfriends”. Featuring excerpts from their first single, the remarkably mediocre “We Are the Party”, it’s not surprising that both Chris and Rob find the words coming out of her mouth almost as hard to swallow as the monstrous things that are normally cumming into it. In addition to bad music, they imagine mass murder at the Oscars, and ponder the ramifications of time travel with unintentionally racist results.

Listen to “Celebrity Death-Traps / Black Time Travel” here:

http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/celebrity_death_traps_black_time_travel

and, if the taste of your own vomit appeals to you, check out The Ex Girlfriends on You Tube here:

http://youtu.be/vUXuh4RymhQ

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Season Two of Two Guys Watching Porn continues with “Cornbread Hos and Kool Aid P*SSY”. This episode finds hosts Rob and Chris on the road, giddily vocalizing their most crude and uncensored thoughts. Listen as vapidity and prurience erupts from their mouths like copious vomit. Shriek as these halfwits discuss topics ranging from Krispy Kreme Donuts, to auto-fellatio, to anonymous sex with Vietnam Vets! Rejoice in the knowledge that the show lasts less than thirty minutes. Definitely not work-safe or prude-friendly listening! (Mom, if you’re reading this, for the love of God DO NOT LISTEN!!!). All others, feel free to join in on the fun at: http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/cornbread_hos_and_kool_aid_p_ssy

Two Guys Watching Porn make their long awaited return with a brand new season of ill-concieved podcasts. Kicking off Season Two is “Cannibal Ventriloquists and Robot Rapers” in which hosts Rob and Chris reveal their meager knowledge of current events while trashing organized religion, discussing the recent rash of mass-shooting rampages and pondering the educational value of old-school video games like Frogger and Donkey Kong. Also featured is a shout out to our favorite Spreaker web-radio host, that truly decadent diva of dirty-talk named Amanda Nicole of The Amanda Nicole Show, the hottest half hour of audio horniness on the Web!

Listen to “Cannibal Ventriloquists and Robot Rapers”  here: http://www.spreaker.com/page#!/user/5289522/cannibal_ventriloquists

Catch The Amanda Nicole Show at www.TheAmandaNicoleShow.com, or listen to her latest episode on Spreaker.com at http://www.spreaker.com/page#!/user/amandanicoleshow/episode_3_cheating

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Murdered by ROBOTS returned to terrestrial airwaves Tuesday night (01/29/13), making our third appearance on Lumpytunes!, 96.5 WSLR’s premiere oasis for eclectic and experimental audio chaos, debuting our brand new cover of the obscure Monkees track “Zilch” (Dolenz, Jones, Nesmith, Tork). Our eternal gratitude goes out to The Head Lump Rob Demperio for all of his support past, present and future. For those of you who missed it, you can download the song for free off of our Soundcloud page at https://soundcloud.com/screaming-mime-theater/zilch-monkees-cover or listen to it as one of the featured cuts on our latest Murdered by ROBOTS podcast on Spreaker.com titled “Surfing the Oort Cloud” at http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/surfing_the_oort_cloud.

Life, be it Organic or Artificial, is GOOD.