Murdered by ROBOTS

scha·den·freu·de: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others. Shameful joy.

Perhaps it’s insecurity… Or deep seeded malice… Or, perhaps, I just curiously lack what some people define as a human “soul”. Whatever the reason, I love a train wreck! Not actual wrecks involving locomotives (though, I suppose, those are pretty cool too) but train wrecks in the sense of disgraced celebrities, those fallen stars unceremoniously knocked from their high and mighty perch who crash and burn in a blaze of drug and booze filled glory for the collective joy of bottom-feeders like me who live vicariously through their disgrace. Mel Gibson was awesome, but never so much so as the day he drunkenly called his arresting officer “sugar-tits” and railed against the Jews, or demanded his ex blow him while screaming into a cell phone (and while being recorded for the world to enjoy one psychotic tirade at a time!). And who can forget a frail and dazed Michael Jackson, being carried into a courtroom to answer allegations of child molestation, suddenly breaking into impromptu dance on the top of his limousine while dressed like some type of gay Cap’n Crunch? Celebrities, our modern-day gods of Mount Olympus, stumbling from their pedestal high atop the clouds only to be found masturbating in movie theaters or dipping their chocolate in the wrong person’s jar of peanut butter… These are the moments many of us live for! And nothing feeds my Schadenfreude disease more than the celebrity women who wind up in the gutter, whether it’s a 200 lb Anna Nicole crashing a 13 year old’s bar mitzvah and dirty dancing with the birthday boy, or a postpartum Britney Spears waving un-opened umbrellas at the paparazzi and revealing to the world that she’s just as bald “down there” as she is on her freshly shaved noggin…

These days, the reigning queen of celebrity downward spirals has to be Lindsay Lohan, and it’s she (once famously dubbed “Fire-Crotch” by former friend and fellow train wreck Paris Hilton) who lends her name to this week’s episode of Two Guys Watching Porn. In this episode, first broadcast on 03/04/13, my co-host Rob and I examine our fascination with the out of control Ms. Lohan, while discussing the endless list of other celebrity women we would happily make sweet love to if the Universe was suddenly turned inside out and upside down and such things actually became possible. Along the way we play a half ass version of “Truth or Dare”, and debut a special new rendition of the Two Guys Watching Porn theme song (available for free download on Soundcloud at: https://soundcloud.com/screaming-mime-theater/two-guys-watching-porn-1). Discussed in this episode is the film “Inferno”, a Linda Lovelace bio-pic that was originally slated to star Lindsay Lohan (and which the above photos were intended to advertise) that is currently, tentatively, in production (with Ms. Lohan replaced by Malin Akerman). Info on this production can be veiwed here: http://youtu.be/dioa1BguGN0.

To listen to the episode titled “Lindsay Lohan’s Fire-Crotch”, click here:

http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/lindsay_lohan_s_fire_crotch

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank any and all of our listeners on Spreaker for taking the time to check out our show. We just recently reached 1,500 plays (not much in the grand scheme of things, but a tremendous thrill for me personally!). Like two morons eating worms while waiting for the short bus, we welcome any attention we can get!

-Chris