Posts Tagged ‘humor’

photoIt’s been a busy year for us here at Murdered by ROBOTS and, unfortunately, our website has suffered because of it, resigned to a cold cruel fate usually reserved for red-headed step children, neglected and unloved and buried neck deep in a pool of filth. While we were off enjoying misadventures, this page was all but forgotten, collecting digital dust. Many of you, our loyal followers, have held your breath awaiting news of our latest shenanigans and many of you, alas, have died waiting. And while we mourn the loss of those most hardcore fans, we can only chalk things up to Darwin’s principle of natural selection and move forward. Since our last update, Murdered by ROBOTS and our fellow denizens of the Screaming Mime Theater have been hard at work spreading our gospel of God awful and creating (dis)content to entertain the ever drooling masses.

Our music has continued to feature regularly on our favorite terrestrial radio program, 96.5 WSLR’s infamous Lumpytunes!, hosted by the Head Lump, Rob Demperio. We’ve recorded a slew of new songs including our first commercial single, “Respect Existence”, now available for sale on iTunes and Amazon, and appeared on Hal McGee’s Big Florida Noise Compilation this past June. We will also be featured on the soon to be released sound project from Polish based Splitterkor Rekords Dziwko (SKRD) titled “What is Noise For You?”, along with fellow underground acts including Ninja McTits and SATANOID! In further international news, MbR was recently interviewed for Canadian Radio by indie outlaw and Soundcloud legend Kyle Nickum, host of Hipster’s Paradise on Phantom 103.3 out of Bathurst, New Brunswick, the home of eclectic music for the Great White North! And when we weren’t spreading like cancer across international borders, we were busy shooting new music videos with the likes of the always alluring Mandy Taylor, and conquering the local Alternative charts on ReverbNation where, for eight glorious days this past month, we held the number one spot in Sarasota on a list containing bUG eYED mONSTERS, and friend and former collaborator Nacho Steppinstone.

On our podcasting front, Two Guys Watching Porn has continued to redefine the meaning of TMI as hosts Rob and Chris lower the parameters of decent social intercourse to near Marinas Trench depths with their dull witted,  ill informed and often highly inflammatory discussions involving everything from Kate Upton’s boobs and robot sex toys, to vomiting parasites and End Time prophesy! The boys even caught the eye (and ear) of the fine folks at TeamSkeet.com, who were kind enough to send us a box of free swag containing stickers, t-shirts and DVDs. Since our last update a full 17(!!) episodes have sullied the Internet’s virtual airwaves, bringing our grand total of listens for our combined podcasts to 8,755 (including 4,578 downloads). A full episode guide of the last 17 shows is coming soon!

When last we posted, our homegrown horror host web series, Oliver’s Twisted Bargain Basement Midnight Movie Stoner Friendly Freak Show, had just premiered on YouTube, as well as other video hosting outlets like Daily Motion, Vimeo, and (on a goof) Porn Hub. Since that debut, two more episodes featuring Oliver, his faithful sidekick Horse Head Ed, show mascot Shadow Stevens, and announcer Albert Fish have been released. Many of Screaming Mime Theater’s favorite video vixens have also appeared, including Dayana Valentino, Melissa Dawson, and Kara 0300. The show has featured shout-outs to one of our favorite horror hosts, Dark Hours Theatre’s very own Uncle Edward, who has kindly returned the favor on two of his programs, Uncle Edward’s Trailer-Rama and the latest episode of The It Came From the Basement Show. We thank Edward for all of his encouragement and unwavering support! As of this writing, OTBBMMSFFS has received a whopping 3,452 views (though it begs mentioning that 2,308 of those views were from confused and very frustrated porn surfers).

Finally, our reach has oozed into the world of social media, with Facebook pages for all of our major projects available for fans looking to interact with us and keep up to date with our activities. Please click each of the following links and, if you are entertained by what you see, don’t hesitate to hit the “like” button to receive all of our latest news!

Murdered by ROBOTS official band page: https://m.facebook.com/givejesusbacktothemartians

Two Guys Watching Porn:
https://www.facebook.com/twoguyswatchingporn

Oliver’s Twisted Bargain Basement Midnight Movie Stoner Friendly Freak Show:
https://www.facebook.com/oliverandhorseheaded

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It’s been a big week for us at Murdered by ROBOTS. Since it’s premiere just over a week ago, our web series Oliver’s Twisted Bargain Basement Midnight Movie Stoner Friendly Freak Show has raked up a respectable 515 views from postings on multiple sites, with the lion’s share of hits coming, hysterically, from our posting on the free adult tube service Porn Hub (so the actual length of each individual view is, admittedly, likely to be fairly low – one can only anticipate the colorful comments that may one day be left by frustrated porn surfers desperate to complete a mission who find our program to be, put politely, less than “mission”-worthy!).  And our show has been given the official thumbs up by one of our very favorite horror-hosts, It Came from the Basement’s  mysterious Uncle Edward, the Fez wearing professor phantasm behind Dark Hours Theatre’s  epic sci-fi serial Adventures of Galactic Command  and Uncle Edward’s Trailer-Rama, both available on YouTube.

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   In other news, Murdered by ROBOTS posted a brand new music video this week for our song “Dumpster Baby“, subtitled “The Birth of Oliver“, starring Horse Head Ed and the titular Oliver in semi-autobiographical roles as adopted-father and son. Also heavily featured are Screaming Mime Theater favorites Rima Jean and Tiffani Cruz, as well as the ever elusive Peckerhead  (in a scene stealing performance!). Head Lump Rob Demperio called it “Difficult. I love it.”
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Rima Jean and Tiffani Cruz

   Rounding out this week’s broadcasting is Two Guys Watching Porn’s 50th (!) episode, titled The Girl with the K-Shaped Cornhole. Picking up where their last episode ended, hosts Rob and Chris continue to shamelessly plug their new internet TV show and discuss the scandalous fate of McGruff the Crime Dog. Listen to this week’s episode here:
Catch Uncle Edward’s latest videos on YouTube at:
Listen to 96.5 WSLR’s Lumpytunes! online at www.wslr.org
And check out Rima Jean and Tiffani Cruz on Model Mayhem at:

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In the latest episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, Chris and Rob announce the premiere of their network’s new Internet TV show and discuss a recent incident in a Florida movie theater in which a retired police officer shot and killed a fellow moviegoer for texting during the coming attractions. This leads Chris to ponder other horrible ways to meet your maker and to advocate paving the Everglades. Trash TV talk and porno-horror stories round these latest discussions.  Also featured in this episode’s opener is Head Lump Rob Demperio’s shout-out to house band Murdered by ROBOTS, whose song Making Love to My Lunchmeat was featured on the 02/11/14 broadcast of 96.5 WSLR’s Lumpytunes!

Listen to Episode 49: Lunchmeat Love and Porno Horror Stories here:

 

 

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There are some questions for which answers may never truly be known, eternal mysteries that have haunted man since his first ancestors gazed upon the heavens and wondered  “are we alone in the Universe?”,  “is there life after death?” , “what, if anything, existed before the Big Bang?” and “how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”.  Well, as of last Saturday, at least one such puzzle has  been solved, the burning question on all of our  minds: “What the fuck happened to Rob?”…

It is with great excitement and considerable relief that I announce that Rob, like the Jedi and Jesus before him, has returned. Not, however, a brief two days later like the aforementioned Lord and Savior but, instead,  following a two and a half month mysterious limbo. But what do you expect? One of them is the son of God and the other’s, well, Rob. And whereas Jesus returned with the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven, Rob comes back with nothing more than horror stories of hoarding and of elderly relatives half eaten by cats!

All this and more is the subject of the long awaited brand new episode of Two Guys Watching Porn titled “Popeye and the Resurrection“.  A special shout out is given to a trio of confirmed listeners and life advice is lovingly dispensed by hosts Rob and Chris, who waste little time returning to their old shenanigans. Listen to this episode here:

http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/popeye-and-the-resurrection

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   In other news, Murdered by ROBOTS was once again honored to have their track “Dumpster Baby” featured on the latest (02/04/14) broadcast of 96.5 WSLR’s Lumpytunes! , on a playlist that featured such icons of the counterculture as William S. Burroughs and Cheech and Chong! Our eternal thanks goes out to the Head Lump Rob Demperio for including us in another one of his weekly mosh ups of madness, and for mentioning us on air, albeit unintentionally, during his 01/21/14 broadcast when he momentarily confused our group with the similarly named musical comedy troupe and experimental noise act, Captured! By Robots, whose track he’d just played. Oh, and while we’re shamelessly honking our own horn, Murdered by ROBOTS was also included in the special (12/03/13) John and Yoko themed edition of Lumpytunes! which featured an extended set of our songs made up of “If I Only Had Some Shame“, “Porcupine Vagina/Nevermind Love” and our signature tune “Snotrocket“. Intentionally or otherwise, we’re always thrilled to hear our name spoken over the airwaves!
For those of you in the Sarasota/Bradenton, Florida area, check out Lumpytunes! every Tuesday night/Wednesday morning from 11:00pm-01:00am on 96.5 WSLR or listen online at www.WSLR.org . And like it on Facebook at www.facebook.com/lumpytunes .
Check out Captured! By Robots at www.capturedbyrobots.com .
and view Tiffani aka MISSTIFF (featured in the above photo) on her Model Mayhem page,
MM URL: http://www.modelmayhem.com/MissTiffaniRaeCruz

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It’s no secret that Melissa Dawson is one of our all time favorite models here at the Screaming Mime Theater, and the reasons why are so painfully clear that even Helen Keller would have no problem seeing them. With legs that stretch all the way up to heaven, a booty so tight it probably poops diamonds, a pair of boobs that leave dudes salivating like Pavlov’s poodles and a face that could grace the pages of any high end fashion magazine, this tattooed temptress is the quintessential heterosexual teenage boy’s fantasy, a walking wet dream come true, and an amazingly cool human being to boot.

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   This past October, we were lucky enough to work with Melissa once again, filming her for the Murdered by ROBOTS video “Zombie Girl” and photographing her for our second (and now, hopefully, annual) Halloween Shoot ! While the music video was featured prominently in our January 28th post, we’d feel remiss if we failed to show you some of the highlights of that incredible photo session as well. So, without further tease, here is the beautiful Melissa Dawson vamping it up and doing her best to provoke all us lucky creatures of the night….
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These shots and many more can be found on Screaming Mime Theater’s Model Mayhem portfolio at:  http://www.modelmayhem.com/2118492
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And remember to catch up with Melissa’s sexy (and, occasionally, naked) adventures on Twitter by following her @MelissaDawsonDD

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Screaming Mime Theater is an underground sleeper cell of wannabe artists, hack musicians, zero-budget filmmakers and often unemployed writers struggling to survive in the seedy underbelly of Sarasota, Florida. Like Troma Studios and John Water’s Dreamlanders, our objective is to create original and enjoyable content that succeeds even where our modest talents fail, to create a Universe populated by oddball characters, and to spread our half-baked gospel to anyone fed up enough with mainstream mediocrity to receive our unholy message. And one of the longest running legs of this modest little empire is our photography division, headed by me, your humble narrator.

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   My name is Chris, and not only am I a founding member of the mock-rock band Murdered by ROBOTS as well as cohost of the now seemingly defunct podcast Two Guys Watching Porn,  but I’m also a self-taught photographer who aspires to create images that are both provocative and playfully edgy. I strive to constantly evolve as an artist (although using the word “artist” makes me uncomfortable), feeling free to experiment and unafraid of failing. While I don’t mind shooting traditional themes, I’m happiest working with models who share my somewhat offbeat sense of humor and don’t mind being silly or weird.
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   I’m a life-long admirer of pin-up style art. I grew up obsessed with images of Bettie Page and other underground models of her era, studying the work of Irving Klaw and Bunny Yeager, and flipping through pages of vintage men’s magazines with names like “TAB“, “SHOW“, and “EYE“, suggestive publications once deemed too lurid to be sold over the counter that now seem curiously innocent by modern standards.  In many ways, it’s this inherently taboo aspect that makes these guilty pleasures so fascinating to me. And it’s that delicate dance between wholesomeness and, for lack of a better term, comic book style sleaze that I find most invigorating, imagining that beneath every housewife’s proper June Cleaver exterior is a garter-belt wearing, cat-o-nine-tails toting vixen ready to pounce.
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I draw heavy inspiration from B-movie and grindhouse imagery, like scenes from an all night marathon of Russ Meyer films and drive-in double features. I try to create pictures that convey universal schoolboy day dreams and pay homage to the low brow pop stylings of  artists like Robt Williams and Art Crumb, incredible talents who often elevated their medium yet still felt free to dip their toes in the gutter,  combining elements of retro-style cheesecake with tongue-in-cheek, in-your-face vulgarity and doing so with style.
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I’ve been extremely fortunate to work with many talented and imaginative models in the Sarasota area, some with professional credentials and others who were complete newcomers, and I’m eager to work with anyone out there who is interested in creating something different. Please feel free to peruse my portfolio, and don’t be afraid to contact me for any of your photographic needs at:

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   In the months since my last steady post, a full ten episodes of Two Guys Watching Porn have come and gone, leaving in their wake a foulness not unlike an unwelcome breakage of wind. Since I’ve shamefully neglected to keep this site updated, I hope to rectify that mistake now by chronicling all of the adventures some of you may have missed, picking up right where I left off back in September. So please, accept this episode guide as an olive branch, and feel free to plunder our archives for all of TGWP’s podcasting prurience…
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Episode 38: Nut Ripped Off by a Monkey
(first published 09/16/13)
   Rob recuperates from his man-period and regales cohost Chris with tales of testicle stealing primates and crazy Chinese zoos. Dog Lions! Puppy Tigers!! Panda Poodles!?! Oh My!!! As you may imagine, things rapidly spiral downward from there, culminating in the battle cry “F U, FXX!”
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Episode 39: Sin, Smut, and Godless Fornication!
(first published 09/23/13)
   If Steven Spielberg’s 1977 classic Close Encounters of the Third Kind taught us anything, it’s that A: Richard Dreyfus is a terrible father looking for almost any excuse to abandon his family, and that B: WE ARE NOT ALONE! In this thrilling Sci-Fi themed episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, alien visitors have intercepted a strange signal emanating from a tiny blue planet orbiting an average yellow star, and are shocked by the content of this curious transmission. Listen as Chris and Rob unwittingly become Earth’s first ambassadors to this advanced extraterrestrial race!
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Episode 4o: Name That Poon
(first published 09/30/2013)
   In celebration of our 40th episode and our network’s 4000th listen, Screaming Mime Theater and it’s musical division, Murdered by ROBOTS, serve up a star studded all musical extravaganza titled Name That Poon (aka Two Guys Watching Porn, the Musical), featuring hosts Rob and Chris, show producer Barry Schwartzenhymen, Foreign Correspondent and Dog-Reporter Shadow Stevens,  frequent guest contributor Kristina Raisinbran, and fellow Spreaker talent and show supporter Amanda Nicole! So fill your shorts with pudding, huff a little Glade Air-freshener, relax and enjoy this nostalgic musical retrospective of some of Two Guys Watching Porn’s more whimsical moments, as we say thank you all for joining us on this adventure!
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Episode 41: Taboos on the Loose
(first published 10/07/13)
     This episode finds Chris and Rob scratching their heads, trying to make sense of Obamacare and the current Government shutdown.  Unable to grasp these subjects, they divert their scattered focus towards more entertaining topics, including television, face eating drugs, legalized pot and incest. Featuring the song “Praise, Praise, Praise” by Kamikaze Krishna.
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Episode 42: A Womb with a View
(first published 10/14/13)
   Drug horror stories are the hot topic of the day, in this very special (if inappropriately named) episode of Two Guys Watching Porn which explores the ravages of that mysterious new drug from Russia named Krokodil, a nasty little concoction known to eat the flesh of it’s users. Also up for lampooning is the late Michael Jackson, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and child abuse! A splendid time is guaranteed for all!
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Episode 43: Diddle Me Dudley
(first published 10/22/13)
    The show hits the highway as Rob and Chris drive aimlessly looking for inspiration, waxing nostalgically about shitty 1980’s sitcoms and their shared love of taquitos, as well as tackling such gripping social taboos as pederasty, public indecency, bestiality, and the shady sport of competitive gang-bangs. In the end, Rob concludes that we are, indeed, “a sick, sick species”!
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Episode 44: Evil White Men and their Problems
(first published 10/31/13)
   Twisted Love Cults and illegal immigration draw ire from the show’s hosts in this controversial episode of  Two Guys Watching Porn, while the plight of our nation’s indigenous peoples sparks some contentious debate amongst Rob and Chris. While Rob expresses nothing but respect for reservations and the importance of preserving Native American culture, Chris seems to suggest that, perhaps, it’s time for them to throw in the towel and accept defeat. Rubber tomahawks fly and things get decidedly ugly. Closing the show is a song by Screaming Mime Theater’s own Murdered by ROBOTS  titled “Godzilla“, in honor of Halloween.
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Episode 45: Backpage Hookers
(first published 11/07/13)
   After last episode’s unpleasantness, Rob and Chris return to form, revealing their obsession with lurid sex ads found on questionable websites including Craigslist and Backpage. They also discuss their recent activities, including a special Halloween themed photo-shoot with actress/model/web-cam performer extraordinaire Melissa Dawson (on Twitter as @Melissa DawsonDD) who graciously agreed to star in the latest Murdered by ROBOTS music video titled “Zombie Girl“.
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Episode 46: Killer Typhoons and Porcupine Vaginas
(first published 11/12/13)
    A new California law requiring condom use in all adult videos produced within “The Golden State” is ridiculed by porn advocates Rob and Chris, as well as the proposed new measure that would further require sex performers to wear safety goggles during their scenes. Later in the show, mention of the recent Super Typhoon Haiyan that devastated the Philippines steers the conversation towards “Sharknado” and other SiFi Channel made-for-cable turdfests. Featuring “Porcupine Vagina“, a new Murdered by ROBOTS track recently broadcast on 96.5 WSLR’s “Lumpytunes!”, and a brand new remix of the “Two Guys Watching Porn” theme song.
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and finally…
Episode 47: Lies, More Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies
(first published 11/18/13)
In this, the final episode of 2013, Chris and Rob express their growing pessimism for the future, as the dumbing down of America and a widespread distrust in our leaders casts a long shadow of doubt over the fate of the human race. This was the last episode to be recorded before Rob’s inexplicable disappearance.

 

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The show hits a snag when host Rob goes on the rag in this week’s episode of Two Guys Watching Porn titled “Kim Jong-Un and Other Grumpy Munchkins“. Rob‘s a cranky wanker during this rare nighttime edition, while he and Chris discuss North Korean dictator (and frequent show fodder) Kim Jong-Un, who recently had his ex-girlfriend executed by firing squad! Luckily, show producer Barry Schwartzenhymen is on deck to inject a little levity into the proceedings, with an emotionally stirring rendition of the 1982 Paul McCartney/Stevie Wonder duet “Ebony and Ivory“. When all is said and done, there won’t be a dry eye (or diaper) in the house.

Listen to Two Guys Watching Porn on iTunes,  and on Spreaker at http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522
And listen to “Kim Jong-Un and Other Grumpy Munchkins” here:

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  Bad news has never been in short supply but, since the turn of this century,  we seem to be experiencing a near record surplus of doom and despair. All over the world, protestors have taken to the streets, while governments crack down on civil liberties, and alliances are put to the test. We live in a world divided by ideology, by religion and economics, and every day brings us closer to the boiling point. Now, in these past two weeks, news has leaked of something so shocking, so heinous, and so contrary to the common good that we can no longer sit back and bite our tongues….

 I’m talking, of course, about Ben Affleck’s casting as the new Batman!
   In the latest episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, hosts Rob and Chris cry foul over this shocking development, while dodging alligators and struggling to understand why Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound but can, apparently, no longer carry his own movie!
   Oh, and on a lighter note, they also attempt to discuss something called Syria
Catch all past episodes of Two Guys Watching Porn on ITunes and on Spreaker at: http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522
And listen to the latest episode titled Batman Blunders and We’re ALL DOOMED! here:

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   For years, the name Peckerhead has been spoken only in hushed tones by that handful of people who had actually laid eyes upon the creature and lived to tell the tale, a tale of a monstrous abomination, one half man, one half chicken, whose presence in the undeveloped backwoods of South Florida has long been the subject of campfire tales and fearful speculation. Most of these eyewitnesses have met with fierce opposition from their communities, been labeled kooks and, in some instances, downright liars. Many, faced with the almost certainty of public ridicule, have chosen to keep their silence. But we here at Murdered by ROBOTS are dedicated to uncovering the truth about this legendary boogeyman and, tonight, offer brand new and incontrovertible evidence – hard video proof – that Peckerhead is REAL!

The following is the second of only two known recordings ever made of the beast, captured on video earlier this month by local researchers as they were ambushed. Had it not been for the swift and heroic intervention of Internet star and fetish model Mandy Taylor, who appeared as if from out of nowhere to unleash her trademark brand of testicular demolition upon that feathery spawn of Satan, several scientist would have died. Instead, we are left with this chilling documentation:

Our heartfelt thanks goes out to the brave men and women who put their safety on the line in the name of science, and to the super sexy Mandy Taylor, who demonstrated total calm in the face of danger, and for her crotch-kicking ferocity.

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   In other Murdered by ROBOTS news, Two Guys Watching Porn delivers yet another new episode of mentally challenged verbal masturbation titled “Miley Cyrus and Rainbow Parties” in which hosts Rob and Chris discuss MTV’s recent Video Music Awards, wrestle with basic geometry, try to reclaim intellectual property and lament missing out on teenage sex parties… all building up to an exciting (or not) cliffhanger of an ending!
Follow Mandy Taylor on Twitter at @PrincessMandyT
Follow Murdered by ROBOTS on Soundcloud and download all of our music for free at https://soundcloud.com/screaming-mime-theater
Listen to or download all of our past shows on ITunes! and on Spreaker at http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522
And check out the latest episode here: