Posts Tagged ‘news’

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It’s been a big week for us at Murdered by ROBOTS. Since it’s premiere just over a week ago, our web series Oliver’s Twisted Bargain Basement Midnight Movie Stoner Friendly Freak Show has raked up a respectable 515 views from postings on multiple sites, with the lion’s share of hits coming, hysterically, from our posting on the free adult tube service Porn Hub (so the actual length of each individual view is, admittedly, likely to be fairly low – one can only anticipate the colorful comments that may one day be left by frustrated porn surfers desperate to complete a mission who find our program to be, put politely, less than “mission”-worthy!).  And our show has been given the official thumbs up by one of our very favorite horror-hosts, It Came from the Basement’s  mysterious Uncle Edward, the Fez wearing professor phantasm behind Dark Hours Theatre’s  epic sci-fi serial Adventures of Galactic Command  and Uncle Edward’s Trailer-Rama, both available on YouTube.

uncle edwardUncle Edward

   In other news, Murdered by ROBOTS posted a brand new music video this week for our song “Dumpster Baby“, subtitled “The Birth of Oliver“, starring Horse Head Ed and the titular Oliver in semi-autobiographical roles as adopted-father and son. Also heavily featured are Screaming Mime Theater favorites Rima Jean and Tiffani Cruz, as well as the ever elusive Peckerhead  (in a scene stealing performance!). Head Lump Rob Demperio called it “Difficult. I love it.”
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Rima Jean and Tiffani Cruz

   Rounding out this week’s broadcasting is Two Guys Watching Porn’s 50th (!) episode, titled The Girl with the K-Shaped Cornhole. Picking up where their last episode ended, hosts Rob and Chris continue to shamelessly plug their new internet TV show and discuss the scandalous fate of McGruff the Crime Dog. Listen to this week’s episode here:
Catch Uncle Edward’s latest videos on YouTube at:
Listen to 96.5 WSLR’s Lumpytunes! online at www.wslr.org
And check out Rima Jean and Tiffani Cruz on Model Mayhem at:
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In the latest episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, Chris and Rob announce the premiere of their network’s new Internet TV show and discuss a recent incident in a Florida movie theater in which a retired police officer shot and killed a fellow moviegoer for texting during the coming attractions. This leads Chris to ponder other horrible ways to meet your maker and to advocate paving the Everglades. Trash TV talk and porno-horror stories round these latest discussions.  Also featured in this episode’s opener is Head Lump Rob Demperio’s shout-out to house band Murdered by ROBOTS, whose song Making Love to My Lunchmeat was featured on the 02/11/14 broadcast of 96.5 WSLR’s Lumpytunes!

Listen to Episode 49: Lunchmeat Love and Porno Horror Stories here:

 

 

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   In the months since my last steady post, a full ten episodes of Two Guys Watching Porn have come and gone, leaving in their wake a foulness not unlike an unwelcome breakage of wind. Since I’ve shamefully neglected to keep this site updated, I hope to rectify that mistake now by chronicling all of the adventures some of you may have missed, picking up right where I left off back in September. So please, accept this episode guide as an olive branch, and feel free to plunder our archives for all of TGWP’s podcasting prurience…
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Episode 38: Nut Ripped Off by a Monkey
(first published 09/16/13)
   Rob recuperates from his man-period and regales cohost Chris with tales of testicle stealing primates and crazy Chinese zoos. Dog Lions! Puppy Tigers!! Panda Poodles!?! Oh My!!! As you may imagine, things rapidly spiral downward from there, culminating in the battle cry “F U, FXX!”
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Episode 39: Sin, Smut, and Godless Fornication!
(first published 09/23/13)
   If Steven Spielberg’s 1977 classic Close Encounters of the Third Kind taught us anything, it’s that A: Richard Dreyfus is a terrible father looking for almost any excuse to abandon his family, and that B: WE ARE NOT ALONE! In this thrilling Sci-Fi themed episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, alien visitors have intercepted a strange signal emanating from a tiny blue planet orbiting an average yellow star, and are shocked by the content of this curious transmission. Listen as Chris and Rob unwittingly become Earth’s first ambassadors to this advanced extraterrestrial race!
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Episode 4o: Name That Poon
(first published 09/30/2013)
   In celebration of our 40th episode and our network’s 4000th listen, Screaming Mime Theater and it’s musical division, Murdered by ROBOTS, serve up a star studded all musical extravaganza titled Name That Poon (aka Two Guys Watching Porn, the Musical), featuring hosts Rob and Chris, show producer Barry Schwartzenhymen, Foreign Correspondent and Dog-Reporter Shadow Stevens,  frequent guest contributor Kristina Raisinbran, and fellow Spreaker talent and show supporter Amanda Nicole! So fill your shorts with pudding, huff a little Glade Air-freshener, relax and enjoy this nostalgic musical retrospective of some of Two Guys Watching Porn’s more whimsical moments, as we say thank you all for joining us on this adventure!
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Episode 41: Taboos on the Loose
(first published 10/07/13)
     This episode finds Chris and Rob scratching their heads, trying to make sense of Obamacare and the current Government shutdown.  Unable to grasp these subjects, they divert their scattered focus towards more entertaining topics, including television, face eating drugs, legalized pot and incest. Featuring the song “Praise, Praise, Praise” by Kamikaze Krishna.
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Episode 42: A Womb with a View
(first published 10/14/13)
   Drug horror stories are the hot topic of the day, in this very special (if inappropriately named) episode of Two Guys Watching Porn which explores the ravages of that mysterious new drug from Russia named Krokodil, a nasty little concoction known to eat the flesh of it’s users. Also up for lampooning is the late Michael Jackson, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and child abuse! A splendid time is guaranteed for all!
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Episode 43: Diddle Me Dudley
(first published 10/22/13)
    The show hits the highway as Rob and Chris drive aimlessly looking for inspiration, waxing nostalgically about shitty 1980’s sitcoms and their shared love of taquitos, as well as tackling such gripping social taboos as pederasty, public indecency, bestiality, and the shady sport of competitive gang-bangs. In the end, Rob concludes that we are, indeed, “a sick, sick species”!
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Episode 44: Evil White Men and their Problems
(first published 10/31/13)
   Twisted Love Cults and illegal immigration draw ire from the show’s hosts in this controversial episode of  Two Guys Watching Porn, while the plight of our nation’s indigenous peoples sparks some contentious debate amongst Rob and Chris. While Rob expresses nothing but respect for reservations and the importance of preserving Native American culture, Chris seems to suggest that, perhaps, it’s time for them to throw in the towel and accept defeat. Rubber tomahawks fly and things get decidedly ugly. Closing the show is a song by Screaming Mime Theater’s own Murdered by ROBOTS  titled “Godzilla“, in honor of Halloween.
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Episode 45: Backpage Hookers
(first published 11/07/13)
   After last episode’s unpleasantness, Rob and Chris return to form, revealing their obsession with lurid sex ads found on questionable websites including Craigslist and Backpage. They also discuss their recent activities, including a special Halloween themed photo-shoot with actress/model/web-cam performer extraordinaire Melissa Dawson (on Twitter as @Melissa DawsonDD) who graciously agreed to star in the latest Murdered by ROBOTS music video titled “Zombie Girl“.
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Episode 46: Killer Typhoons and Porcupine Vaginas
(first published 11/12/13)
    A new California law requiring condom use in all adult videos produced within “The Golden State” is ridiculed by porn advocates Rob and Chris, as well as the proposed new measure that would further require sex performers to wear safety goggles during their scenes. Later in the show, mention of the recent Super Typhoon Haiyan that devastated the Philippines steers the conversation towards “Sharknado” and other SiFi Channel made-for-cable turdfests. Featuring “Porcupine Vagina“, a new Murdered by ROBOTS track recently broadcast on 96.5 WSLR’s “Lumpytunes!”, and a brand new remix of the “Two Guys Watching Porn” theme song.
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and finally…
Episode 47: Lies, More Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies
(first published 11/18/13)
In this, the final episode of 2013, Chris and Rob express their growing pessimism for the future, as the dumbing down of America and a widespread distrust in our leaders casts a long shadow of doubt over the fate of the human race. This was the last episode to be recorded before Rob’s inexplicable disappearance.

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   For my first post of 2014, (my first post, ominously enough, since September 11th), I’d like to implore my readers to direct their attention to the picture above…
   This is Rob. Some of you might recognize him from his work as a model (as seen on Model Mayhem). Other’s might know him from his role as a member of the underground rock band Murdered by ROBOTS, for which he has provided his unique brand of lunatic ranting on such profanity laced tracks as “Ex-Wife” and “None the Wise Reprise (Rebel Without Applause Remix)“, and for having inspired and co-written the song “Dumpster Baby” (recently aired on 96.5 WSLR’s “Lumpytunes!”). But most of you, undoubtedly, will remember him first and foremost as one half of the brain damaged duo that host Screaming Mime Theater’s premiere and longest running podcast, Two Guys Watching Porn. Since it’s inception nearly two years ago, TGWP has proudly lowered the bar for all homegrown media, due in no small measure to Rob’s unwavering lack of on air professionalism, fascinatingly off-center logic and fearless discard of social grace. In a medium often populated by massive egos, obsessive work ethics and intellectual snobbery, Rob is the refreshing exception, a 21st Century caveman, direct in his speech, unapologetically vulgar in his delivery, and totally unpretentious in even his most misguided convictions. He is also hilarious, sometimes even intentionally, and the greatest collaborator this fellow cohost has known.
   I last spoke with Rob the week before Thanksgiving. Since then, he has mysteriously vanished. Dropped off the face of the Earth! Vanished as abruptly as one of Liam Neeson’s immediate family members in a Taken movie. My first fear was robot abduction, but no evidence supporting that admittedly far fletched theory has yet to surface. However, all attempts at reaching him have come up empty, which leads me only to speculate that he’s either been the subject of foul play, imprisoned, or that he’s simply holed up somewhere with a copy of “Where’s Waldo?”, too absorbed in the task at hand to notice the passage of time. I certainly hope for the latter.  After all, every Butthead needs a Beavis!
   It’s on this somber note that I’ll end this post, with hopes that the world has not yet heard the last from Two Guys Watching Porn.

 

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The show hits a snag when host Rob goes on the rag in this week’s episode of Two Guys Watching Porn titled “Kim Jong-Un and Other Grumpy Munchkins“. Rob‘s a cranky wanker during this rare nighttime edition, while he and Chris discuss North Korean dictator (and frequent show fodder) Kim Jong-Un, who recently had his ex-girlfriend executed by firing squad! Luckily, show producer Barry Schwartzenhymen is on deck to inject a little levity into the proceedings, with an emotionally stirring rendition of the 1982 Paul McCartney/Stevie Wonder duet “Ebony and Ivory“. When all is said and done, there won’t be a dry eye (or diaper) in the house.

Listen to Two Guys Watching Porn on iTunes,  and on Spreaker at http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522
And listen to “Kim Jong-Un and Other Grumpy Munchkins” here:

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  Bad news has never been in short supply but, since the turn of this century,  we seem to be experiencing a near record surplus of doom and despair. All over the world, protestors have taken to the streets, while governments crack down on civil liberties, and alliances are put to the test. We live in a world divided by ideology, by religion and economics, and every day brings us closer to the boiling point. Now, in these past two weeks, news has leaked of something so shocking, so heinous, and so contrary to the common good that we can no longer sit back and bite our tongues….

 I’m talking, of course, about Ben Affleck’s casting as the new Batman!
   In the latest episode of Two Guys Watching Porn, hosts Rob and Chris cry foul over this shocking development, while dodging alligators and struggling to understand why Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound but can, apparently, no longer carry his own movie!
   Oh, and on a lighter note, they also attempt to discuss something called Syria
Catch all past episodes of Two Guys Watching Porn on ITunes and on Spreaker at: http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522
And listen to the latest episode titled Batman Blunders and We’re ALL DOOMED! here:

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   For years, the name Peckerhead has been spoken only in hushed tones by that handful of people who had actually laid eyes upon the creature and lived to tell the tale, a tale of a monstrous abomination, one half man, one half chicken, whose presence in the undeveloped backwoods of South Florida has long been the subject of campfire tales and fearful speculation. Most of these eyewitnesses have met with fierce opposition from their communities, been labeled kooks and, in some instances, downright liars. Many, faced with the almost certainty of public ridicule, have chosen to keep their silence. But we here at Murdered by ROBOTS are dedicated to uncovering the truth about this legendary boogeyman and, tonight, offer brand new and incontrovertible evidence – hard video proof – that Peckerhead is REAL!

The following is the second of only two known recordings ever made of the beast, captured on video earlier this month by local researchers as they were ambushed. Had it not been for the swift and heroic intervention of Internet star and fetish model Mandy Taylor, who appeared as if from out of nowhere to unleash her trademark brand of testicular demolition upon that feathery spawn of Satan, several scientist would have died. Instead, we are left with this chilling documentation:

Our heartfelt thanks goes out to the brave men and women who put their safety on the line in the name of science, and to the super sexy Mandy Taylor, who demonstrated total calm in the face of danger, and for her crotch-kicking ferocity.

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   In other Murdered by ROBOTS news, Two Guys Watching Porn delivers yet another new episode of mentally challenged verbal masturbation titled “Miley Cyrus and Rainbow Parties” in which hosts Rob and Chris discuss MTV’s recent Video Music Awards, wrestle with basic geometry, try to reclaim intellectual property and lament missing out on teenage sex parties… all building up to an exciting (or not) cliffhanger of an ending!
Follow Mandy Taylor on Twitter at @PrincessMandyT
Follow Murdered by ROBOTS on Soundcloud and download all of our music for free at https://soundcloud.com/screaming-mime-theater
Listen to or download all of our past shows on ITunes! and on Spreaker at http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522
And check out the latest episode here:

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   Well, the geek gods of Lumpiness have smiled upon us again, as the Murdered by ROBOTS rendition of The Mexican Hat Dance was featured as the last song of the evening (early morning) on yesterday’s (08/27/13) mind-bending edition of Lumpytunes! on 96.5 WSLR. Though only eleven seconds long, it was (for us, at least) a glorious exclamation point at the end of another 120+ minutes of high weirdness, and we were thrilled to be the caboose on that crazy runaway train, a truly loco locomotive whose cargo for the night included the Barnes and Barnes classic “Fish Heads“, vintage cuts of Monty Python, and a prolonged set and interview with Miami based duo Pocket of Lollipops, whose trippy brand of indie-pop dissonance will be performed live at Sarasota’s New College this Friday, 08/30/13.  For information on exact location and times visit: http://www.pocketoflollipops.com/Home.html

   Sarasota locals can catch Lumpytunes! every Tuesday night at 11:00pm on 96.5 WSLR, and all others at www.wslr.org . Please support show host and Head Lump Rob Demperio, and all of the other fine people at WSLR, for fighting the good fight against commercial radio banality and for their unwavering support of local and under-the-radar talent!
Listen to MBR’s Mexican Hat Dance here:

“The pen is mightier than the sword”

-Edward Bulwer-Lytton

(from his play, Richelieu)
   Words and, more importantly, the ideas they convey have the power to spark revolutions. A persuasive argument can sway public opinion, topple governments and change the world just as surely as a well placed bullet. And so, as with any great power, the dissemination of information should be handled with a reasonable degree of responsibility. This is, perhaps ironically, the message behind this week’s Two Guys Watching Porn titled “The Penis, Mightier than the Sword“.
   In the 1980’s, I was a great fan of the tabloid periodical The Weekly World News, that once infamous supermarket check-out line staple that sent wandering eyes rolling with headlines proclaiming Redneck Aliens Take Over Trailer Park, Prehistoric Bigfoot Lives!, and Pyramid Discovered on the Moon, and offering continuous updates on the mysterious Bat Boy, whose numerous captures and subsequent escapes proved so popular that an entire book of his exploits was eventually published. Of course no one,  not even the most meth addicted sister-humping hillbilly in West Virginia, actually BELIEVED any of those headlines, nor accepted anything printed within it’s pages as anything other than pure bullshit. It was fake news for the sake of silliness, delivered without pretense and with a knowing wink. In other words, harmless low-brow entertainment.
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   Enter 2013, and a world where so-called “Breaking News” is broadcast 24 hours a day, to an over-saturated market where ratings determine the day’s headlines and impartial reporting takes a backseat to sensationalism… CNN, MSNBC, FOX NEWS, and endless online outlets for information are in constant competition for the next big story, circling like sharks for every last scrap of reportable chum. In this digital age of cut-throat news for profit, it is more important to beat your competition to the punch than it is to make sure that what you report is, in fact, true. And so the yellowing of journalism continues unabated.
   Case in point – Oakland, CA news station KTVU‘s embarrassingly irresponsible coverage of the recent crash of Asiana Flight 214 at San Francisco International Airport on July 6, 2013. In an attempt to offer a news “exclusive”, KTVU exercised hilariously poor judgement when it chose to report the identities of the Asiana Airline’s pilots before properly checking their sources or subjecting the material to even the simplest scrutiny, as evidenced in their now notorious reporting of several glaringly erroneous and, potentially, offensive names: Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Bang Ding Ow and Ho Lee Fuk. Captain Janks himself couldn’t have hoped for better.
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   Now, Two Guys Watching Porn hosts Rob and Chris are no strangers to bending the truth a little, especially when it makes for a better story, nor do they deny telling the occasional bold face lie for simple shits and giggles, but they never claimed to be following in the footsteps of Edgar R. Murrow. Their podcast delivers their ill informed and somewhat baffling takes on the day’s important issues in the same idiotic spirit as those laughable tabloids of decades past, with tongues planted firmly in (butt)cheek and fingers crossed behind their backs. Blissful in their ignorance, they’re Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb-ass, paying considerably more attention to claims of Elvis sightings than to civil unrest in Egypt, or chemical weapons in Syria. Sadly, many of the so-called legitimate news outlets of today seem just as prone to distraction.
    Catch up on all our previous episodes of Two Guys Watching Porn on iTunes and at Spreaker.com at:
and listen to “The Penis, Mightier then the Sword here:

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Just as Nero played the fiddle while Rome burned, Two Guys Watching Porn hosts Rob and Chris seek to distract themselves from the frightening reality of Big Brother in this week’s half-baked episode, “Thought Crime and Medical Marijuana”. As news of the NSA’s seemingly unlimited surveillance of every aspect of our daily lives redefines our once clear concept of privacy, these two half wits amuse themselves with talk of one night stands and legalizing the sticky-icky. Each day delivers new and more troubling revelations of unprecedented government spying…  Including claims that all of our emails, texts, and phone records are being systematically monitored and logged in the name of national security, with total disregard for our once constitutionally protected right against unlawful search and seizure, all while Dumb and Dumberer dream of Tijuana sex shows. America, as we once imagined it, may very well be DOOMED!!!

Click here to listen:

And listen to all of our audio shenanigans on ITunes and Spreaker.com:

http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522