Posts Tagged ‘sex’

MILF – the acronym that launched a thousand porn sites. In the lexicon of linguistics, certain words and phrases have been used so often that their meaning has become diluted. Every time a famous athlete is described as a “hero”, or a barely funny text is met with the obligatory “ROFLMAO”, the very building blocks of language begin to disintegrate. With each hyperbole, our words are robbed of a little more meaning, rendered less sincere, leaving us lost in a world of platitudes. But, every now and then, certain turns of phrase truly hit their mark!

Meet Melissa Dawson (@MelissaDawsonDD to her loyal legions of Twitter fans). This modern day pin-up queen is to MILFdom what The Rolling Stones (circa ’69) were to Rock n’ Roll – THE REAL DEAL. In fact, were you to look up the word “Milf” in the dictionary, you shouldn’t be surprised to find this picture of the awesome Ms. Dawson in thigh high fishnet stockings and six inch high heels staring back at you.

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In my adventures as a photographer for the Screaming Mime Theater, I’ve had the privilege of lensing this extraordinary model on three separate occasions, and she never disappoints. She exudes hotness as effortlessly as the Sun, mischievously running with the most off the wall suggestions and turning them into digital gold. She and her husband Tim are the embodiment of joie de vivre and that spirit of adventure is openly on display in every photograph she graces.

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Together this dynamic duo travels the country, from photo-shoot to photo-shoot, enjoying exotic cruises and appearing at Fetish Cons, living a life of excitement most of us can only dream of. Most recently, the two appeared on the nationally syndicated The Billy Madison Show in which Melissa was playfully spanked on air, fueling the fantasies of listeners everywhere! And, most importantly for us here at Murdered by ROBOTS, she was even cool enough to appear in our music video “The Works“…

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We look forward to working with her again in the near future, and encourage everyone out their to join us as we live vicariously through all of her escapades by following her on Twitter at: @MelissaDawsonDD
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Rising from our ashes like a smut spewing Phoenix, “Two Guys Watching Porn” returns to the cyber-airwaves with our first monkey-spanking new episode since expanding our podcasting empire to ITunes! Refreshed from a 49 day vacation, hapless hosts Chris and Rob kick off Season Three with “Princess Mandy and the Word We Can’t Say”. Listen as we insert foot firmly in mouth and share behind-the-scenes anecdotes from our latest photo-shoot with the insanely hot Mandy Taylor, @PrincessMandyT on Twitter and the inspiration behind Murdered by ROBOT’s song “Mandy, the Queen of Testicle Torture”. A splendid time is guaranteed for all and, of course, Henry the Horse dances the Waltz….

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listen to all our podcasts on ITunes and on Spreaker.com at: http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522

and listen to our latest episode of Two Guys Watching Porn titled Princess Mandy and the Word We Can’t Say here:

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scha·den·freu·de: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others. Shameful joy.

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Perhaps it’s insecurity… Or deep seeded malice… Or, perhaps, I just curiously lack what some people define as a human “soul”. Whatever the reason, I love a train wreck! Not actual wrecks involving locomotives (though, I suppose, those are pretty cool too) but train wrecks in the sense of disgraced celebrities, those fallen stars unceremoniously knocked from their high and mighty perch who crash and burn in a blaze of drug and booze filled glory for the collective joy of bottom-feeders like me who live vicariously through their disgrace. Mel Gibson was awesome, but never so much so as the day he drunkenly called his arresting officer “sugar-tits” and railed against the Jews, or demanded his ex blow him while screaming into a cell phone (and while being recorded for the world to enjoy one psychotic tirade at a time!). And who can forget a frail and dazed Michael Jackson, being carried into a courtroom to answer allegations of child molestation, suddenly breaking into impromptu dance on the top of his limousine while dressed like some type of gay Cap’n Crunch? Celebrities, our modern-day gods of Mount Olympus, stumbling from their pedestal high atop the clouds only to be found masturbating in movie theaters or dipping their chocolate in the wrong person’s jar of peanut butter… These are the moments many of us live for! And nothing feeds my Schadenfreude disease more than the celebrity women who wind up in the gutter, whether it’s a 200 lb Anna Nicole crashing a 13 year old’s bar mitzvah and dirty dancing with the birthday boy, or a postpartum Britney Spears waving un-opened umbrellas at the paparazzi and revealing to the world that she’s just as bald “down there” as she is on her freshly shaved noggin…

These days, the reigning queen of celebrity downward spirals has to be Lindsay Lohan, and it’s she (once famously dubbed “Fire-Crotch” by former friend and fellow train wreck Paris Hilton) who lends her name to this week’s episode of Two Guys Watching Porn. In this episode, first broadcast on 03/04/13, my co-host Rob and I examine our fascination with the out of control Ms. Lohan, while discussing the endless list of other celebrity women we would happily make sweet love to if the Universe was suddenly turned inside out and upside down and such things actually became possible. Along the way we play a half ass version of “Truth or Dare”, and debut a special new rendition of the Two Guys Watching Porn theme song (available for free download on Soundcloud at: https://soundcloud.com/screaming-mime-theater/two-guys-watching-porn-1). Discussed in this episode is the film “Inferno”, a Linda Lovelace bio-pic that was originally slated to star Lindsay Lohan (and which the above photos were intended to advertise) that is currently, tentatively, in production (with Ms. Lohan replaced by Malin Akerman). Info on this production can be veiwed here: http://youtu.be/dioa1BguGN0.

To listen to the episode titled “Lindsay Lohan’s Fire-Crotch”, click here:

http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/lindsay_lohan_s_fire_crotch

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I would also like to take this opportunity to thank any and all of our listeners on Spreaker for taking the time to check out our show. We just recently reached 1,500 plays (not much in the grand scheme of things, but a tremendous thrill for me personally!). Like two morons eating worms while waiting for the short bus, we welcome any attention we can get!

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In this 02/26/13 addition of Two Guys Watching Porn, show hosts Rob and Chris lampoon adult-star and popular Howard Stern show guest Lupe Fuentes, aka “Little Lupe” (and re-christened here, in a hailstorm of salsa, jizz and shame no doubt, as “Lulu Angel”) as she attempts to cross over from jail-bait themed porno into the even sadder world of vapid dance music as the lead singer of “The Ex Girlfriends”. Featuring excerpts from their first single, the remarkably mediocre “We Are the Party”, it’s not surprising that both Chris and Rob find the words coming out of her mouth almost as hard to swallow as the monstrous things that are normally cumming into it. In addition to bad music, they imagine mass murder at the Oscars, and ponder the ramifications of time travel with unintentionally racist results.

Listen to “Celebrity Death-Traps / Black Time Travel” here:

http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/celebrity_death_traps_black_time_travel

and, if the taste of your own vomit appeals to you, check out The Ex Girlfriends on You Tube here:

http://youtu.be/vUXuh4RymhQ

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As aficionados of B-Movies and exploitation classics, we here at Murdered by ROBOTS are always daydreaming about throwing our own hats into the low-budget movie making ring. Our lifelong dream is to create our own cinematic atrocities, and this ambition is often reflected in our other creative outlets, especially our photography. While we’re always happy to lens a nubile young beauty in a bikini, deep down we yearn to set aside the clichés of our art form in favor of paying homage to the midnight movies we love above all else.

The above shots feature Vigilante Vixxxen , a modern-day Amazon whose statuesque form and heavenly curves were surely molded by the gods themselves, in an effort to create the perfect woman! The definition of beauty and poise, Ms. Vixxxen is also a woman after our own hearts, happily wielding machetes and simulating decapitating band mate Rob for the sake of our mad vision! She even brought her own guns! Now, I don’t know what type of rifle this is (see below), but I guarantee that it’s more than any girl could ever ask for to teach would-be bad guys a serious lesson:

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Not only is she an amazing model, but a wonderful sport, agreeing to star in the Murdered by ROBOTS video “Down to the Slaughter”.

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Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Two Guys Watching Porn returns with a brand new episode of half-witted deviance titled “Casey Anthony, Aquamom and Rubber Dolls”, in which hosts Rob and Chris discuss topics ranging from Real Dolls, Infanticide, Pope Benedict XVI and trouble brewing on the Korean peninsula. Of particular interest to our single-minded narators are rumors of a potential sex tape in the making featuring the notorious Casey Anthony, whom both Chris and Rob reluctantly admit wanting to see naked. Featuring a shout out to our favorite podcaster, the lovely and lustful Amanda Nicole (http://www.spreaker.com/page#!/user/amandanicoleshow), as well as our patented brand of rampant vulgarity, we invite you to Vulcan mind meld with these two degenerates and hope you enjoy their warped if somewhat limited take on the news of the day…

You can hear the latest episode here by clicking: http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/casey_anthony_aquamom_and_rubber_dolls_1

Also returning this week is our Murdered by ROBOTS podcast featuring material from deep within our audio archives. On our latest episode, titled “Cheese Pants and Porcupine Vaginas”, we travel back nearly 17 years for some intimate home demos recorded in Virginia Beach, VA.

To enter our musical way-back machine, click here:     http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/cheese_pants_and_porcupine_vaginas

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Season Two of Two Guys Watching Porn continues with “Cornbread Hos and Kool Aid P*SSY”. This episode finds hosts Rob and Chris on the road, giddily vocalizing their most crude and uncensored thoughts. Listen as vapidity and prurience erupts from their mouths like copious vomit. Shriek as these halfwits discuss topics ranging from Krispy Kreme Donuts, to auto-fellatio, to anonymous sex with Vietnam Vets! Rejoice in the knowledge that the show lasts less than thirty minutes. Definitely not work-safe or prude-friendly listening! (Mom, if you’re reading this, for the love of God DO NOT LISTEN!!!). All others, feel free to join in on the fun at: http://www.spreaker.com/user/5289522/cornbread_hos_and_kool_aid_p_ssy

Oliver Twisted, Masked Maniac on the Rise

This is Oliver (looking studly in this recent photo taken at the Junkyard Rehearsal Studio) an aspiring slasher-movie star trying desperately to get his foot in that serial killer door. A long time friend and mascot of sorts of the Screaming Mime Theater, Oliver patiently awaits the day he can eviscerate nubile young teens on the silver screen, all while honing his acting chops in zero-budget videos. We here at Murdered by ROBOTS would like to tip our hats off to this potential (if improbable) future king of B-movie carnage.

Joining Oliver in this pic are models Ashton Rae (http://www.modelmayhem.com/2322774), Shante J (http://www.modelmayhem.com/2889341), Miss Tiffani Rae Cruz (http://www.modelmayhem.com/2878445), and RimaJean (http://www.modelmayhem.com/2835903).

For information on the Junkyard Rehearsal Studio, visit them on Facebook.

Two Guys Watching Porn make their long awaited return with a brand new season of ill-concieved podcasts. Kicking off Season Two is “Cannibal Ventriloquists and Robot Rapers” in which hosts Rob and Chris reveal their meager knowledge of current events while trashing organized religion, discussing the recent rash of mass-shooting rampages and pondering the educational value of old-school video games like Frogger and Donkey Kong. Also featured is a shout out to our favorite Spreaker web-radio host, that truly decadent diva of dirty-talk named Amanda Nicole of The Amanda Nicole Show, the hottest half hour of audio horniness on the Web!

Listen to “Cannibal Ventriloquists and Robot Rapers”  here: http://www.spreaker.com/page#!/user/5289522/cannibal_ventriloquists

Catch The Amanda Nicole Show at www.TheAmandaNicoleShow.com, or listen to her latest episode on Spreaker.com at http://www.spreaker.com/page#!/user/amandanicoleshow/episode_3_cheating

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As a child of the 70’s and 1980’s, I developed a lifelong love affair with the low-budget movie, that oft reviled red-haired stepchild of legitimate filmmaking that is the providence of brain-eating zombies, women in prison, lusty Third Reich uber-vixxxens and Hollywood chainsaw hookers… Those craptacular midnight movies and exploitation classics that provided the raw material for drive-ins, grindhouses and late night cable television outlets, as well as creating masturbatory fodder for guinnea pigs, myself included, who hit puberty amidst this non-stop assault of celluloid decadence and delicious indecency! I was one of many Generation Xers, a casualty of the post-nuclear family, a radioactive offspring of well-meaning but distracted baby boomers who attended to their respective midlife crisis while we bathed in the loving glare of our TV’s cathode rays.  And while June Cleaver was busy burning her bra, and Ward went off to start family number two, it was shows like Chiller Theater and Commander USA’s Groovie  Movies that babysat me and my fellow forgotten, and filled our impressionable minds with non-stop images of nipply death and ill-conceived pandemonium.

The above picture is a sample of that b-movie aesthetic that I often strive for in my photography. I aspire to recreate the look and feel of sleazy pulp-fiction novel covers and exploitation movie posters, the kind of eye-raising imagery that titillates the imagination with promises lurid thrills and simple, goofy fun! It is also inspired by the Murdered by ROBOTS song “Dumpster Baby” which is featured on our self-titled debut album. To listen to the track or to download it for free, visit: https://soundcloud.com/#screaming-mime-theater/dumpsterbaby-m4a-2